Clarity

My future has never been more crystal clear. Unlike the past years, I've been thinking and wracking up my brain just to experience that speck of clarity. I don't know what I am talking about but it's just that I want to have a conviction. A conviction to do something without paying heed to its presented hindrances. It was so easy before I entered college, with me saying to myself, "I'll be a great doctor someday!" But now everything seems to be reversed. Here I am cursing and trying to get out from the logical process of going into a white collar job. Here I am in the bottom of the academic food chain. Here I am, naked, in full delusion of a conviction. And yet there is still that voice that says go on. A voice that keeps me from quitting. A voice that says you're meant for this.

Never has my future been more clear. And I stand up saying I will go on. And I will never quit. I shall love my profession and endow and partake in its inherent dignity and responsibility.

Bow.

Ta Dah!

Whoever said Grad School is the easy way out should die!

Now, it's time I turn my attention to just 4 research papers I have to pass before I read for two major exams.

Sigh, I'm tired.

And, not so surprisingly,

I love this!

Sublime

Call me a nut, a fanatic, a zealot, a bigot, a radical. I really don't care. I can't keep this from myself anymore. For days and days, I spent all of my internet time just visiting this particular site. Over and over again, I would watch this video. This video and me, alone. Be it in my dorm, or at my house. I can't stop from spending an hour or so just watching and listening to this video alone. What can I say? It's pure, unadulterated beauty. Unaffected by the tides of the current generation. Sublime truth embedded in sublime tradition.

What am I talking about? I'm talking about a current craze. Not the badly addictive types but the one that brings peace of mind whenever I have the opportunity to encounter it. I'm talking about Gregorian Chants. Not those awful Gregorian-renditions of popular songs, but the authentic and true-blue Gregorian Chant. The one that for over a thousand years has been a gem in the musical heritage of our Church. The one that commands great respect whenever one hears it. And to some and to a degree I dutifully agree, is a "mystical" language. Now, I've heard that Latin is one of the few languages that actually evokes a sense of sanctity, a reverence, when it is heard or spoken. I don't know much about the linguistics of this particular language but this is a language I would rather learn and spend my time with (rather than, say, Spanish!).

So, out of interest and out of faith, I've memorized The Lord's Prayer and Anima Christi in Latin.

The Lord's Prayer

Pater noster, qui es in caelis

sanctificetur nomen tuum

adveniat regnum tuum

fiat voluntas tua

sicut in caelo et in terra

panem nostrum

quotidianum da nobis hodie

et dimitte nobis debita nostra

sicut et nos dimittimus 

debitoribus nostris

et ne nos inducas

in tentationem 

sed libera nos a malo.

Amen.

+

Anima Christi

Anima Christi, sanctifica me

Corpus Christi, salva me

Sanguis Christi, inebria me

Aqua lateris Christi, lava me

Passio Christi, conforta me

O bone Jesu, exaudi me

Intra tua vulnera absconde me

Ne permittas me separari a te

Ab hoste maligno defende me

In hora mortis meae, voca me

Et iube me, venire ad te

Ut cum Sanctis Tuis laudem te

In saecula saeculorum

Amen.

(I've just typed them from memory, so if there's anything wrong just PM me).

Now, it's time I let the music speak for itself:

I Wish It Was Chocolate

Gah! I know I should be finishing my slideshow now but I can't even start typing up a single entry. My report is supposed to be easy. In fact, the lighter one it's been called. Oh, they could never be more wrong!

I will be giving a talk tomorrow on a completely foreign subject: Infertility and In Vitro Fertilization. This will be a monthly project for my ReproPhysio subject. In fact, it will be one of the major requirements for the course. 

Yep, I know there's a lot of stuff out in the internet. Hey, I spent all week scrounging around Google! But that's precisely the problem. There's too many stuff. It's information overload! I've been wracking my brains trying to decide what website I will include (my professors are quite touchy about our sources, mind you). Should I just rely on Wikipedia? Or should I rely instead on those mind blowing articles?

Case in point: I've just read a 10-page article regarding the early history of in vitro fertilization. It started okay at first and when I finished the section about the attempts on improving protocols in in vitro fertilization, the author suddenly delved into sperm capacitation and to make matters worst, decided on a comparative analysis of all known experiments of IVF in all classes of animals. I just wasted ink. I thought this was a definitive article on IVF's history and all I get is just a slice of the bigger pie.

Professional bias. So true. And now, back to Keynote.

Premonitions

Weird dream last night. I was back at UST. Facing the same old tired faces. The same old hardships. The same old situations. Climbing the same old steep stairs. Only difference is, I am happy. And I was wearing a "white uniform."

Now what could that mean?

On a lighter note, I got more offers the past few weeks: two research assistantships. Although it sounds quite appealing, being an RA means going to all parts of the PI collecting God-knows how many species of fishes. And the fact that I only have to get the minimum number of units per sem. If I agree, instead of finishing 2 years, I have to extend it to 4.

Anyway, I've already informed quite a few important acquaintances that I shall be leaving for med school right after obtaining my MS at UPLB. I'm thinking of applying to UST, UE and maybe, if the fates allow, at UP Manila (I heard they have an MD Ph.D. there, only at Public Health, though).

I'm quite excited really at the prospect of Med School but right now I intend to just enjoy my time at UPLB. I'm now emotionally attached to that place right there. Truly, I can call it home away from home.

Intoxicated

(Haha...)

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Someone you always thought was very introverted is going to prove you wrong today, when they explode out of their shell and cook up an exciting party plan. Find out how you can hop on board this party express! Things are changing in their life in exciting ways, and you couldn't be happier for them. Don't be surprised if they reveal to you in a quiet moment that you were the inspiration for much of their growth. Try to pretend that you never suspected it.

Nota Bene

Whew, I need a breather. The tests last week were just....argh...I don't know! Damn it! I studied all week, stayed up late, and drank a liter worth of instant coffee. When the tests were handed out, I almost fainted! But it's weird, I feel irritated and entertained. For some reason, I'm finding everything that's gone the past week laughable. Pathological? Nah, I'm just weird.

So anyway, since the tests of the major subjects are now finished, I guess I already have the right to "evaluate" my first two months at Los Banos.

Here are a few things I've learned:

Take notes. Always take notes since most classes don't prescribe a single textbook. Your notes and your prof''s lecture will serve as synthesis of all recommended readings, so if you don't want to digest 450-pages of font-10 textbooks, you'd better start jotting down your prof's lecture.

Make friends. Not only with your classmates, but with your profs as well. In my case, being in the MS program, it's highly essential to know the who's who in the faculty (if you're into research, you know what "who's who" means). Make friends too with the staff. During application and enrollment period, the GS people were more than happy to accommodate  and assist me: from getting to and fro inside the campus, to what should I expect during my stay there. They were nice, as in first-name-basis nice, unlike some in the registrar at UST: they look, talk and act as if they don't want to do anything with the students. Some even have the temerity to shout at a student! (one reason why I was so happy to get away from there).

Take control. Since I'm not an undergrad anymore, I have a say to what goes on in my schedule or in my studies. Taking control means being able to do what you want as long as it's reasonable. Taking control means being a professional.

Be reasonable. This is a must especially if one's about to undertake a master's thesis. Remember, aside from making a significant research, a master's student should be able to finish his/her degree just in time. The less time you obtain your degree, the better (esp. the scholars!) 

Never say die. A lesson in life I've personally experienced even before my 2 month stay at UPLB. There is always hope. Although failure means blaming yourself, failure will just be another stepping stone towards your future.

So much is going through my mind, I can't find the words that would really give meaning to what I want to express. What I want others to feel. But that's inspiration for you, just when you had a spark, you suddenly find yourself without the tools of your trades.

Cheers. I'll see some of you on Aug. 2. (If you don't know, just text me.)

Undergrad

I effing feel like an undergrad. My head is still in a whirl after reading the first 2o pages of the 150-page Endocrinology handouts for my Repro Physio subject. But wow...haha...I know it's nerdy but I just find it funny and fulfilling to be doing this thing again. Although I hate the coming "tides," I shall welcome with open arms the sleepless nights and the staying-up-late. What I didn't do during my undergrad, I'll make sure I'll do during my graduate years like, say, studying! Also, it feels like it's going to be a lot easier because I only rely on books for secondary info, lecture notes are still the vital materials for reviewing stuff. But, gosh, reading 3 books and a 150-page handout for an essay test worth 25 points... soon enough, I'll be pointing a gun at my temple!

But I know hope is somewhere out there. So I'll pray, hope and study! My personal mantra for this semester. I have to do well this year especially with my upcoming scholarship application. I hope I'll be able to acquire a sense of competitiveness or, at least, the drive to do well in school.

Oh, did I mention memorizing stuff is not enough? Haha. 

Cheers man! Peace! I'll see some of you on Friday....again! Oh, and we won't drink. We SHOULDN'T drink. I need to study (was that me?).